Who needs reality TV when all you need to do to see a parade of bizarre real-life drama is sit in your local county courthouse? Here are 14 weird and wacky court cases that put Judge Judy to shame.
Woman Found Innocent of “Negligent Sexual Intercourse” in Penis Fracture
Boston, Massachusetts: During a lovemaking session between John Doe and Mary Moe (names withheld to prevent mortifying embarrassment), Mary attempted a “creative” maneuver that resulted in John’s penis being fractured. John subsequently sued her for “negligent sexual intercourse,” resulting in his continued sexual dysfunction, but the court found in her favor because the sex was consensual, even if the position was not. Tough break.
Woman’s Breasts Ruled Too Big to Be a Burglar
Tokyo, Japan: Pinup model Serena Kozakura, 38, had her conviction for breaking into her boyfriend’s apartment reversed when her lawyers showed that the hole that was kicked in her boyfriend’s door was too small for her 44-inch breasts to squeeze through. “I used to hate my body so much,” Kozakura stated after the verdict, “but it was my breasts that won in court.”
Court Fines Woman for Phoning Her Son Too Much
Vienna, Austria: A 73-year-old woman was taken to court by her son on stalking charges after phoning him as many as 49 times a day for two-and-a-half years. “I just wanted to talk to him,” the woman stated, but apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual. She was fined almost $500 for her actions.
Judge OKs Mother’s Request to Collect Semen from Her Dead Son
The mother of a 21-year-old murder victim was granted by a court the right to extract semen from her son’s body two days after he died, in order to fulfill his dream of having children. Nikolas Evans had often told his mother, Marissa, about his desire to have three sons, and although he didn’t have a significant other at the time of his death, Judge Guy Herman agreed to her request that the body be kept at a temperature cool enough to preserve the sperm until a specialist could be acquired to retrieve it. Mrs. Evans plans on using a surrogate to give birth to her grandchildren.
Court Overturns 12-Year-Old’s Grounding
Quebec, Canada: Somehow, a Canadian court found it prudent to hear the case of a 12-year-old girl who felt that her being grounded by her father for disobeying his order to stay off the Internet was unfair. (Apparently, since her parents’ divorce, the girl had made a habit of breaking house rules, chatting on websites and even posting “inappropriate” photos of herself online.) Even more amazingly, Justice Suzanne Tessier sided with the daughter, overturning a punishment and granting the girl the right to go on a school camping trip.
Peeping Tom Sues Police for Return of His Porn Stash
San Rafael, California: Dennis Saunders, 59, a peeping tom with arrests dating back to 1979, had just served five years in jail for secretly videotaping a woman and a 16-year-old girl who lived in the apartment complex in which he worked, when he realized that the police department had no intention of returning the 500 pornographic movies and 250 magazines confiscated from his home. Miffed, he sued, but eight months later, he dropped the suit due to “a great deal of unwanted attention,” claiming that he only wanted to dispose of the material anyway.
Woman Sued for Trying to Make a Book out of Her Husband’s Skin
Eugene, Oregon: A morbid clause in 62-year-old Donal Eugene Russell’s will stipulated that upon death, he was to be skinned, and his tanned hide was to be used as the cover for a book of his poetry. When his wife Rachel sought to make his dying wish come true, however, the state stepped in, suing her to prevent the skinning on grounds that it violated laws against “corpse abuse.” The widow complied, stating that she would instead cremate the body, which had been sitting in a friend’s food freezer for two months at the time of the decision. In related news, always check your friend’s food freezer before accepting a dinner offer.
Court Rules It’s Legal to Ask If You Can Tickle People’s Kids
Edwardsville, Illinois: Charles Douglas, 58, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after approaching parents in a park and asking if he could tickle their children. A judge dismissed the charge, ruling Douglas’ actions legal. Creepy, but legal.
Parrot’s Testimony Ruled Inadmissible
Santa Rosa, California: In the murder trial of Gary Joseph Rasp, accused of killing business partner Jane Gill, the defense attempted to submit to the court the testimony of Gill’s African Grey Parrot, Max. Shortly after the murder, Max was reportedly heard repeating, “Richard, no, no, no!” Rasp’s attorney took this as evidence that the real culprit was named Richard, not Gary, but the judge wasn’t interested in what the bird had to say. Rasp was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.
TV News Anchor Gets Restraining Order Against Co-Anchor
La Crosse, Wisconsin: Morning news anchorwoman Amy Dupont had been receiving harassing emails complaining about her job performance and disparaging her child for over two years when she decided to investigate the source. When the name attached to the messages matched that of a registered sex offender, she got police to trace the IP address of the computer from which the emails had been sent, and lo and behold: the messages had actually come from the home of her co-anchor, Zach Brown. Dupont filed a restraining order against Brown, but it turns out that it wasn’t him sending the emails after all; it was his roommate. Nevertheless, Brown found himself plus one restraining order and minus one job.
Man Convicted Based on Body Odor
Kyoto, Japan: Taku Uemura, 21, was convicted of sexual harassment for groping a woman after his accuser, who didn’t see his face during the assault, recognized his distinct body odor months later when he boldly approached her to strike up a conversation. Uemura, whose scent was described as resembling the inside of a boxing glove, was sentenced to two years in prison.
Jury Must Decide: Fellatio or Mooning?
Middletown, Connecticut: Heather Specyalski, 33, was charged with manslaughter in the death of her boyfriend Neil Esposito, who’d been thrown from a car prosecutors said she was driving. Her defense was that she couldn’t have been driving because she was, in fact, giving Esposito oral sex at the time of the accident. Indeed, her boyfriend’s body had been found with his pants down, but prosecutors argued that he could’ve been “mooning” or urinating out of the passenger’s side window. Specyalski was acquitted of all charges.
75-Year-Old Man Jailed for Taking 50-Cent Bribe 25 Years Ago
Patna, India: Balgovind Prasad, a 75-year-old doctor, was sentenced to three months in jail for taking a 51-cent bribe 24 years earlier. Prasad had taken the money from a sweeper in exchange for issuing a fake medical certificate. Originally, it had taken the court seven years to find him guilty, but the ruling was overturned on appeal. However, that ruling was reversed after another “mere” 17 years of judicial hearings.
Child Molester’s Defense: I Was Abused by Bigfoot
Stafford County, Virginia: Child molester Gene R. Morrill, 57, convicted of soliciting sex from 13-year-old boys over the Internet, came up with a unique excuse to help reduce his sentencing: he claimed that as a child, he’d been sexually abused by Bigfoot. Despite his allegations, Morrill was deemed competent to stand trial and was subsequently slapped with a 20-year prison sentence